Times are tough…..
Maybe you’re unemployed cause the boss’ son who now controls your old department laid you off because he was tired of stealing all your great ideas. Maybe you’re only halfway to saving for that new Harley, or maybe you’re just a cheap skate. There is nothing wrong with trying to save a little money, and let’s face it guys…..going to the bar or club can be an expensive proposition. Add a thirsty woman into the equation, and you’re broke before you know it.
Should you opt for cheap booze, or drink specials in the God-awfulest hole in the wall dump you can find just so you can drink on the cheap? Ummm…..no. Enter the hip flask. Now you might be telling yourself that bringing your own little supply of your favorite booze to a swanky bar or club is tacky, lowlife or below the belt. I beg to differ my wanting-to-be-hammered friend. The hip flask is your savior, and may be your best ally against high drink prices, jerk-ass bartenders, and the ever dreaded light handed pour.
There are some rules and regulations that you should follow when employing your new little secret. These rules will not only keep you in the bar, but keep you nice and buzzed as well. There is a little bit of etiquette to observe when sneaking liquor into a bar or club that is dead set on selling it to you instead. Think of that pimple faced kid at the movie theater who’s keeping you from bringing your own Twizzlers into the movie cause they want you to spend $8 for that in their joint.
Now, back to the flask…..make sure that your flask is a dark color. A lot of the flasks being sold are shiny silver….no good. They stick out like a sore thumb. Try pouring that thing into your drink in a dark bar with flashing lights and it will be like your signaling for a rescue plane on a deserted island. You’ll be detected and 86ed quickly.
Second, pick a flask with a thin profile that contours your leg. With the right fit, the flask will be completely undetectable and you’ll have no trouble getting it into the bar. Once you get in, you’ll be able to sit comfortably with your well shaped flask in tow without having to adjust yourself to enjoy the night. You will be tempted to buy the biggest, most voluminous flask you can…..but picking a good sensibly sized flask is key. I would recommend either a 4 or 6 ounce model for the best results. Also, spend the extra couple bucks and get the funnel. You’ll thank me for that.
Finally, practice your pouring technique. It’s a good idea to be able to add a little happiness to your drink right there in the social area of the bar. Ok, ok….so as a beginner, if you need to excuse yourself to the men’s room to pour your drink, that’s fine, but eventually you’ll need to learn to do it without being detected or drawing attention to yourself. In addition, some bars don’t allow drinks in the restroom, and that obviously screws up your plans for the night. To properly pour in place, practice opening and sealing the flask under a table without looking at it. Don’t look down! Looking down while you pour is a dead giveaway. It takes a little practice, but with time, you will master the art of sophisticated flask ownership and it will be one of the most satisfying tools in your man tool belt. Save money and drink the smart way. Do it with a flask! Your wallet will thank you. As a real man, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re getting hammered the smart way…..and that’s just boss.