Tag Archives: Humor

Loser of the Day: Frisbee Golf (Frolf) Guy

Time for another new feature on The Man Blog.  Hey since this is a new blog, all the features are new, right?  The concept for this is simple….I am going to pick out a particular type of person or group of people and tell everyone why you are a loser/losers.  Politically correct?  Probably not.  If you don’t like it, or if this offends you, you’re wrong.

Loser of the Day – Frisbee Golf Guy

I like to ride my bike.  I try to get out and ride at least a couple of times a week.  Near my house, there is a park and the main function/focus of this park is a frisbee golf course.  Now, for those of you who don’t know, there is a stupid game out there called disc golf, frisbee golf or “frolf” and there are actually losers that play this game.  I will refer to it as a game instead of a sport because it is not a sport.  I guess the concept of frolf is ok enough….so it’s just like golf, but with frisbees.  You throw the frisbee into a basket looking thing (see photo for reference) and this goes on and on for several “holes” with the idea that the lowest score wins.  Duh.

A disc resting in the basket

A disc resting in the basket (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What bothers me most about this game are the losers that are playing it.  Now, this is an equal opportunity for both ladies and guys alike to act like total and complete morons, but I will focus on the guys here.  This is The Man Blog.  In riding my bike through this park, I’ve now had several opportunities to witness these morons first hand getting their frolf on, and it’s not a pretty sight.  What’s shocking is the consistency that I observed in evaluating the game’s participants.  Now it might be that it’s just the same losers every damn day over at this park playing this stupid game, but I think it’s sadly many people who are doing this.  They’re all alike.

First requirement….you have to be a total burnout loser to play this game.  Wow, I am impressed with your ability to smoke a cigarette while you frolf, and what’s even more amazing is that everyone playing this game smokes.  It’s almost a badge of honor for you to style your frolf moves while rocking a heater in your mouth.  Can a physical activity really be considered good for you if you can smoke a cigarette while you do it?  I even saw some stoners toking it up.  That’s a blog for a different day.  Hey, it’s a beautiful day outside….let’s go frolf and burn some heaters.  Brilliant.

Second….no shirts allowed for the guys.  We are all very impressed with your heroin user skinny man body, and the fact that your ratty shorts are clinging to the lower part of your “just a little thicker” hips for dear life is quite impressive.  Taking the shirt off really allows the casual onlooker to see just how dirty you are.  Curly chest hairs and pierced nipples aside, your physique is not a thing of beauty and the fact that you wanna take off your shirt when you play disc golf makes you a loser.  No one is impressed.

Third, you must be totally oblivious to everything else going on around you.  I know that in real golf, focus is important when you’re making that all important long distance putt for the win, but chucking plastic discs around the park does not require the same amount of focus.  Pay attention to what’s going on around you, loser.  I almost had my head taken off at least three times in the last week riding through the frolf battleground at the park.  This was after I saw the loser going into his windup and quite audibly shouting at them to stop what they’re doing as there is a bike coming in their direction.  It didn’t work.  Approaching a frolfer on bike is like sneaking up on a deer in a Hummer, and the frolfer still seems startled when I enter their field of view.  Wake up, dumbass!  You’re not alone in the park.

It’s also amazing to me the amount of gear that these dorks are hauling around with them when they play this game.  Some of them have bags full of frisbees to use in different frolf scenarios.  Out of curiosity, I stopped and talked to one of them about what all the frisbees were for.  Hell, he had “drivers”, “mid range” and “putters”.  What a tool.  I wondered how much these things cost, and was startled to find on www.rei.com that you can spend up to $20-30 on an individual disc, plus bag, plus crap.  Am I the only one who thinks that frisbees were meant to be given away at carnivals and school functions for free?

I guess this disturbing trend is here to stay.  There is actually a Professional Disc Golf Association (www.pdga.com) and you can join as a member.  Where I come from, you don’t have to be a member to be in a group of losers.  For $50, you can join the PDGA, and prove even more to yourself and your friends that you, Frisbee Golf Guy, are a total loser.

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Come on, Men! Proper Etiquette in the Men’s Room/Locker Room

So this has gone on long enough….

I am sick and tired of stupid morons in the men’s room or locker room at the local gym behaving badly.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you shouldn’t do these things?  Were you raised in a third world country?  Ok, ok….so if you don’t know what I am talking about, I am going to school you guys right now on proper men’s room and locker room etiquette.  Pay attention!

First, guys……don’t come and do your business in the urinal right next to me when there are plenty of free urinals in a huge restroom.  Do you think that I am cold?  Does it appear that I want your company?  No!  God put several urinals in a large restroom for a reason, and that reason is so that we can all stretch out, enjoy ourselves, and not have to worry about some yutz coming along and taking up valuable personal space.  If the restroom is crowded….that’s one thing, but when it’s empty, spread out guys.  I was in the restroom the other day….five urinals in this place…..five.  This guy comes along and sidles up right next to me.  What, do you want to borrow a dollar, guy?  Do you need a mint?  Of not, then get the hell away from me.

Tiverton Golf Club : Urinals in Men's Changing...Second, don’t talk to me in the restroom.  This is not a place for conversation.  I don’t care about what you did this weekend, what the weather is like, or that you think Gladys in accounting is hot and she wants to go out with you.  I don’t care.  I want to get in and get out and conversation has no place here.  If you talk to guys in a restroom, you are a loser.  If you talk to guys through a stall wall, then you are really a loser.  There is one exception to this rule.  I know that sometimes guys get drunk at the ball game, and there is endless chatter in the restroom, even at the trough, as one drunk guy shouts at another drunk guy.  I think that this is an acceptable form of communication and while not preferred, is acceptable in some situations…..this being a group of drunk guys, and not just one on one drunk guys.  If you touch me, it’s over.

Third moron….the guy that doesn’t wash his hands.  OK, so you don’t want to wash your hands that is your business.  You are a dirty individual.  If you wanna go home and kiss your wife and play with your kids with those dirty hands, go for it….but don’t you dare leave the restroom before me.  I swear…it’s like the minute the guy decides not to wash his hands, no matter where I am in my restroom routine, it’s a big race to the door so he can get out first, and I have to grip the dirty handle with my freshly washed hands and touch what I know is fresh nastiness that he just transferred.  I will say that I am NOT a germophobe.  I realize there are germs out there and they surround us.  I know they are part of our lives everyday, but that doesn’t mean that I want to play pattycake with some guy’s ball sweat or pubes right after he gets done shaking it off.  Have some freaking courtesy guys.  If you aren’t going to wash your hands, then wait for everyone else to leave the restroom before grabbing the door handle.  If people keep coming in the restroom before you can leave, hey….you have the time to WASH YOUR HANDS.  If you still refuse, please stay in there forever and don’t reproduce.

Now these rules all stand true for the restroom, but they also apply in the locker room at your local gym.  The only problem is that there is a whole different subculture of jackasses at the gym that do all these things listed above and more.  It’s like these guys get to the gym and they may be successful businessmen, doctors, lawyers, whatever…..but they get to the locker room and all vestiges of common sense disappear and float out the window.  It never ceases to amaze me the amount of stupidity and the total lack of common sense witnessed at the locker room.

Guys, the locker room is not your bathroom at home…..well, unless you’re a homeless dude and in that case, you have a whole different set of problems.  We do not want to see you set up your shampoo, cologne, diet supplements, razors, shaving cream, toothpaste and toothbrush all in a pretty little line in the middle of the damn locker room.  Get in and get out.  Take care of your business and move along.  Do you really have nothing better to do in your life than to spend two hours getting right in the locker room?  I can get in and get out of there in 20 minutes like most guys can.  If you are at the gym, and find yourself laying all this stuff out for all to see, you are a loser.  If you walk around the locker room with your equipment hanging out all over the place, you are a loser.  If you clip your toenails at the gym, you are a loser.  Have I made myself clear?

It all starts here, guys.  We’re all in this together.  If we can’t get along in these environments, where does that leave us with respect to the rest of our society?  How can we truly move forward when some of us behave so badly when it’s time to hit the restroom?  I would challenge each and every one of you to stop this ridiculous behavior….and to go an extra step….call out those who engage in this behavior to make them stop.  Only then can we truly set ourselves apart and function to our optimal ability as men.

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